


Hello,

by JacksWild



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alan Rickman - Freeform, Death, Letter, Sadness, an ode to you, my tears are all i have now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 08:26:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5913562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacksWild/pseuds/JacksWild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry pens a letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello,

You can’t understand how much this pains me. Sitting here with paint under my nails, and water falling from my eyes. You couldn’t begin to understand the ache that has opened up in me, that well of emotion, that runs so deep it is as if a cavern has sprung open and I’ve fallen inside. You can’t fathom my longing, to see you once more, to hear your voice, to smell your skin, to touch your face… and knowing that all of these things have been taken from me. 

You can’t understand.

Neither can I. 

You were my everything… my tried and true base for all understanding. You were the rod by which I measured my life. The meaning I found when I had lost what it meant to live. The reason to find reason. 

What do I do now?

Where do I go, how do I live and eat and breathe without you? 

I didn’t know how much you were the very essence of my life until now. I knew you were important, oh how I knew that… but I just simply didn’t know the pillar for which I placed you on, and how without you and that pillar, I am nothing… a fool with a heart full of painful love never to be returned again.

When will it stop? 

What do I have to do?

Is there a place, a person, a time… anything my dearest; that I can run too, to escape this longing to rip apart my skin, if only to free my heart from the lake of despair that is has been swallowed by? 

I do not wish to go on… to what am I going on for? I am nothing without you, without earning that smile from your lips, that glint in your eye, that pride in your voice, that touch when you walk by. 

I am nothingness. I am solitary and broken. I am pain in human form. 

I am gone without you. 

I am.

I 

I love you, Severus. Always.

**Author's Note:**

> It has taken me too much time to come to terms with the loss of Alan. I can't explain my pain, this letter hardly does it the appropriate amount of justice. I know that you all share the sentiment, and I know you all share the pain of loss. For some, he was a lot... to me he was my hero. I have admired him for damn near my entire life... from the age of 9 I longed to hear his voice, to feel the caress of that smooth baritone run along my skin and lull me to security. It wasn't until much later in life that I found a hero in his life, and his choices for characters. I small part of my heart died in me with him. 
> 
> To you Alan, I raise my glass one more time. 
> 
> I have loved you, Always.


End file.
